Auburn Riverside Student Voice

InFlight

Peeps or sugary demons?

Just look at these creepy Peeps staring you down. Why would anyone want to eat this? What if it comes to life and stabs your uvula.

PHOTO COURTESY CREATIVE COMMONS LICENSE, WIKIMEDIA.ORG

Just look at these creepy Peeps staring you down. Why would anyone want to eat this? What if it comes to life and stabs your uvula.

Jessica Perez, Editor-in-Chief

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You’ve probably heard of the iconic Peeps, the flavored marshmallow candy that tastes like puke and has everyone going crazy around Easter time. Peeps have been around for a long time, since 1953. And for some reason they are really popular.
I cease to understand why people find them delicious because when I put them in my mouth, they taste like fruit flavored Children’s Tylenol.

Peeps come in many flavors, all of which taste like what I imagine urine tastes like mixed with artificial flavoring. Every time Easter comes around, I want to avoid going to the store at all costs just so I don’t have to look at those chicken-duck demon-looking things. What even are they? Are they ducks? Chickens? Baby geese? Someone tell me please because they don’t look like any of these animals individually. They look like a mixture of all three and it’s creepy.

Peeps not only come in marshmallow form, there are now Peep-flavored drinks. These diabetes-inflictors come in Strawberry Peep, Orange Peep, and Green Apple Peep. If that’s not the most disgusting thing you’ve ever heard of then you are a lost case. If you’ve ever tried the drinks, I’d like to hear about what led you to try something so gross-sounding. If Peep-flavored drinks are the company’s way of marketing, let me just say it only goes downhill from there.

Don’t even get me started on the bunny shaped Peeps. They taste exactly the same, but the company puts them in a bunny shape. Even the people who make them have noticed that Peeps are super creepy and that bunnies sell more I guess. The bunnies don’t even look appetizing! They look like mini stuffed animals that should be in the dog toy aisle at Sam’s Club.

Peeps are pretty disgusting on their own, but what really makes me want to cringe is when people try to make s’mores with them. What kind of wacko world are we living in, that makes people think flavored s’mores with extra chocolate is okay? I mean I guess it makes sense, since Donald Trump was elected president. Anything goes, right?

That’s not the only weird combination that’s made with the Peeps candy, however. Some people put them in their cakes, others make “Peep-tinis,” a spin on martinis, and the worst one I’ve seen is Peeps in beet juice. If these crazy combinations are people’s attempts at making them taste better – it won’t work. If anything, that makes them taste worse. Just looking at these combinations makes me want to break the computer screen.

The world would be a much better place if Peeps did not exist. So if you are thinking about getting someone those after-Easter on sale Peeps, don’t. They are forever cursed to taste like trash… I take that back: trash probably tastes better.

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Auburn Riverside Student Voice
Peeps or sugary demons?